"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to let you in."

-- Robert Frost

Wednesday, August 20, 2014


I stood on the porch saying goodbye in the final moments of my wedding reception. A new bride lingering just a minute longer as toile and ribbon wrapped rice pouches were passed around to celebrate departure. My mind was a blur. 

"I have a small gift for you to present to your grandmother," my own mother doubling as event planner said and quickly turned disappearing back indoors.

And then it happened.

The new husband grabbed my hand sending an invisible signal for rice to fly. The crowd closed in, whisking away down the front walk to the waiting car amid cheers and well wishes. I took one longing look over my shoulder and then obediently ducked into the passenger side seat.

And she had missed it.

Silent tears rolled for a minute before being stuffed back in to avoid tainting an otherwise perfect day because new beginnings are sweet and endings are never easy.

We spent a few days last week easing in to Eliza's first day of kindergarten.

We had a one on one conference with the cutest kindergarten teacher in the world.

We took in our school supplies and learned about the classroom.

We attended a parent day and watched Eliza slowly edge into the social scene.

When that first day came, she was brimming. Almost to the edge of irritation that the early morning hours wouldn't pass fast enough so that she could go ahead and go "all by herself".

She had set a date with her dad to be driven and I had agreed to follow separately along and join in the celebration.

In a series of unfortunate miscommunications, I parked in the lot while the car containing my girl got caught up in the passenger lane. Helplessly from a distance, I watched that excited face jump and run up the walk through the doors without even a glance back over her shoulder.

And she was gone.

The first day hubbub died. Magically the parking lot cleared. I climbed back in my car.

And I'd missed it.

I pulled away and stuffed tears back in because time was short and groceries were needed.

All the while keeping a special place in my heart for new beginnings and endings we are never quite ready for.

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Tuesday, August 19, 2014

grant is ten

Ten years ago, I couldn't wait to meet this guy.

(These pictures from Mother's Day will have to do since tonight I can't my find cord to load birthday pictures from my camera …. surprise, surprise that my stuff would be missing ;)

Christian wished so often for a brother.

Man alive, did I want him to have one. It just made my heart hurt.

I burst into tears when that ultrasound announced our second boy.

This summer, all covered in band aids from one of Christian's bright plans … someone asked me what in the world had happened to Grant.

"What happened to Grant?" I asked, "Why, he was born to be Christian's brother!"

And he has the scars to prove it ;)

Last night, we gathered for father's blessings and Newel was asking each child in turn what they felt they needed for the coming school year.

"Just a lot of happiness." was Grant's reply.

He is full of so much happiness.

Grant, I love that you know, quiet simply, what makes you happy … like tonight's only wish for spaghetti and meatballs. We offered to take you anywhere, but the pure pleasure of being home with your favorite dinner and people, was all that you needed to celebrate your day.

I love how when you ride with me in the car, you'll ask me to pull over and take in the most beautiful of sunsets.

I love that you get along with anybody and everybody.

I love how you just wait for the minute that Christian walks through the door. How you long for minutes of his time and how he does the same with you.

My heart skips a beat when I hear Christian say, "Come on Grant!" and I hear the door slam and the two of you are off.

I love to hear the murmuring of both of your voices talking in the room above as the lights are out awaiting sleep.

I love how great you are with little sisters. How you tie shoes, or get snacks, or hold hands.

I love your simple answers to things and your unquestioning spirit.

And I love that you came here to be ours.

Happy birthday, Grant! Our world would be incomplete without you in it.

All my love,

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Monday, August 18, 2014

with people i love

This is the first official week of school for us.

But before I get started into all of that, there's a happy place to revisit and some folks that I so enjoy and enjoyed spending time with this summer.

As  I sit here with my oldest out facing the front end of her senior year and my baby all alone on my lap watching the clock for the moment we get to pick up her better half from kindergarten …. life just feels like a dream.

It wasn't but a moment ago, I was the baby of these people I love.

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